Is it wrong to be busy?

Are we busier now than people were thirty or forty years ago?  That was a question a few other women and I were discussing several years ago.  We were studying the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42).

  Many believed we are much busier today than our own moms were. I was very skeptical about this opinion. Are we busier or are we simply moving faster?  Did the technological advances of the Internet, social networking, and cell phones make us feel busier because we put ourselves “on call” twenty four hours a day?  

I read about several time studies based on American's time diaries.  Research revealed that we have MORE leisure time than thirty ago. Are we in fact wasting MORE time because we are being sucked into posting on Facebook throughout the day or playing on our phones?  Is it not having more time but in fact being too distracted?  Do we all define leisure time a bit differently.

So in my quest to find out if we are too busy, I found many differing opinions.  Then I began to question if being busy is wrong.  Is having too much on your plate an actual sin? Some people thrive on a lot of activity while others feel bombarded by it. I read books, blog posts, and articles.  I took surveys.  I listened as people talked about their schedules (and with mom friends this a given conversation). I recorded my own time diaries. Finally I went back to Mary and Martha.

When we discussed Mary and Martha years ago we asked what I think is a loaded question: Are you more like Mary or are you more like Martha.  I think everyone in the room unanimously agreed we were all a bunch of Marthas.  Too much on our plates.  Not being able to say, “no” to requests.  Putting our kids in too many activities.  The list goes on.  What if someone would have said, “You know, I am more like Mary.”  Although I think everyone would have showed kindness, I am sure the thoughts floating in the air might be:  “How does she do it so well?  I am not as good as managing life as she is” or worse “Who does she think she is?  Supermom. Some nerve to admit that.”   Then we separate ourselves into the “mom running on empty” versus “the mom who has it all together.”

Last summer Rob and I were sitting by the pool and I said to him, “Martha gets a bad rap.  She was doing what needed to get done.  Is that so wrong?”

“No,” Rob answered, “of course not.  Cooking, cleaning etc. is not wrong.  Being busy is not necessarily wrong.”

“Then what is the point of this story?  We’re all trying to be “Mary” but I don't think that should be our goal,” I admitted.

He said, “Martha was not sinning when she was doing all the work. She didn’t cross the line until she said, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’.”

Martha hit that point of being perturbed and agitated.  She even questioned whether the Lord cared and even commanded Him to order her sister to help.  That is a pretty bold move if you think about it.

Then I realized the problem is not that we are busy.  The issue is we do not stop and sometimes we don't even give ourselves permission "to stop." Instead we work ourselves into a state of “agitation.”  This causes us to be impatient with our spouses, lash out at our kids, and complain to our friends.  We flash our schedules on Facebook because we want to feel important that we are doing so many things.  At the same time we are overwhelmed and would just assume go back to bed.  Sometimes the only thing that will make us rest is our immune system gives in and we catch a cold or the flu. 

So many people joke about "needing a vacation from our vacation."  Even in the summer months when many people (and I realize not all) have slower schedules, they still seem stressed out.  What is going on here?

Life itself requires a rhythm of work and rest.  God commands it in the fourth commandment and set an example Himself when he created the world.  Rob expanded on this in a previous blog post. 

In his book Crazy Busy, Kevin De Young compares the rest/work rhytmn to a track workout.  Distance runners like myself have a love/hate relationships with track runs.  We run eight four hundred meter runs for a total of two miles, but we don’t do it all at once.  We will run once around the track (four hundred meters) at a fast pace pushing ourselves until we are almost out of breath.  Then we slow down considerably…sometimes I even walk…a full lap around the track.  After that lap which is called a “recovery lap” we are ready to push ourselves for the next four hundred meters.  It is not like I am overly excited to speed up and tackle that fast lap. The point is I am recovered enough to be ready.

This is essentially what rest does for us.  Rest on Sunday should make us ready for work on Monday.  Even if we are not excited to go back to work.

In "mom culture" rest is defined by “pedicures,” “going to the spa,” “bubble baths,” “girls’ nights,” etc.  None of this is wrong and I think these can be perfect ways to unwind.  However, it is not possible nor practical to get a pedicure every time you need “rest” or get a group of friends together to go out. The rhythm of rest is laying aside our work as God did and trusting in Him to provide for us.

Rest could mean playing soccer with your kids or playing a board game with your husband.  It could mean reading a good book.  It could include a walk in the woods alone or with a friend.  For me rest is a good run in a scenic place or playing with my kids in the pool.  Sometimes rest is sleep and sometimes it is something more active.  Sometimes it is solo.  Sometimes it includes family.  Other times it includes friends.

Rest is undeserved.  Think of the problem with rewarding yourself with rest every time you think you earned it.  The work is never done.  There is always laundry, dishes, deadlines, meetings, and e-mails.  Rest is a gift you will never earn on your own willpower.  What are you doing with that gift?  Squandering it?  Wasting it?  Not accepting it?  Feeling like you don't deserve it?

  Are you able to lay your work aside and rest?  If not, what is keeping you from doing so?  Why are you avoiding something that can recharge you and help you recover?  Or maybe a better question is--what exactly are you avoiding?

Personally, I would not call myself a workaholic though I understand how people get addicted to "work." My greatest struggle is taking on too much and paying the price for it later...when it is too late to back out.  I have shared about my anxiety before--but too many things going on heightens my anxiety.  I blow things out of proportion and move throughout my day in a jittery and jumpy state.

These are some questions that can help me establish my work/rest rhythm...

1)    Am I using the gift of rest or am I wasting it? 

2)    Am I reaching that state of agitation that my husband and children are paying the price?  Are they coming out second or third or even further down the list? Is spending time with them more of a “chore” or “checklist” to me versus something I love to do?

3)    Am I temped to wear my schedule as “a badge” of honor and talk about how busy I am?  Do I feel the need to compare myself to other moms?

4)    Am I doing too many things for others that people easily could do themselves?  For instance I was burdened by making the kid’s lunches every night so Rob & I taught them to pack their own lunches.  Problem solved!  They learned about good eating habits as a result of it.

5)    Am I doing things that other people should be doing?  For instance if I don’t want to lead a small group anymore, but I don’t step down because I fear the group will fall apart.  Not only am I doing something I might not be called to do anymore, but I am also keeping someone from serving.

6)      Am I not taking care of my own health and wellness needs and putting more effort into taking care of others?  Are we happy with our state of health and wellness?  Sometimes I think our kids should take a short break from a sport and the parents should do one instead.

7)    Are my priorities all out of order?  For instance if I want to grow deeper in my relationship with the Lord, why am I avoiding my Bible Study?  Yes this is something I struggle with often.

8)    Do I appear to people as “tired” and “spent?”  Am I known as the person who is always running on empty?

9)    Are my Sundays just another day of the week to get things done or am I actually using the day as a gift of rest?

10)  Am I taking pride in my rest and planning for it to the same degree I take pride in and plan for my work?

When I was mom of infants and toddlers, I got slightly irritated by moms who said, “You just wait.  You think you’re busy now.  Wait until your kids are older.  Then you’ll be even more busy.”  As if it was some kind of bleak foreshadowing into the future of a mom of school aged kids.  I never say this to "young moms" because it is not very encouraging and it is not fully true in my experience.

The truth is, yes, I do have a full life.  You could even say it is “busy.”  It is a much different kind of busy versus the diaper changing, bottle feeding, nap scheduling days of 7-8 years ago.  But we can choose to rest.  We can choose to stop.  We can be intentional about establishing a rhythm of work and rest/recovery.  If this sabbatical has taught me anything up to this point, I realize it is absolutely necessary.  It is a commandment from God. It is something I will continue to put into practice.

For further reading I recommend the following books:
The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan
Overwhelmed:  How to Work, Love, Play When No One Has Time by Brigid Schulte
Crazy Busy by Kevin DeYoung
Maxed Out by Katrina Alcorn